Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Heidi's Rules for Successful Driving

  1. Always let people in. You know, when it doesn't piss you off. You will probably need someone to return the favor in about five minutes.

  2. If you are pulled over with a broken spedometer, do not answer "Do you know how fast you were going?" with "Actually, no, Officer."

  3. Unless it's really hot or really cold, drive with the windows down. This allows the people next to you to share your music which is inevitably better than theirs. You are sharing and educating.

  4. Keep your car washed and waxed. It goes faster without the wind resistance dirt causes.

  5. If you should pull a jackrabbit start turning left off the line as the light turns yellow and then over-rev and showboat around a slow SUV and THEN realize the car behind you is a cop, immediately downshift (brakelights are an admission of guilt) and pull into the next mini-mall like you calmly yet urgently need an item from whatever store is in front of you. Park and wait for the cop to go away. It also helps to imagine you are bland and wearing beige and not a speedster at all. It may even help to imagine you car is beige. Unless your car is beige in which case I doubt any of this applies to you.

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