Monday, April 26, 2010

Justifiable Ignorance?

When FX announced their new series, Justified, I was excited. Put Timothy Olyphant in a cowboy hat and I’m there. After watching the season so far it ain’t no Deadwood but it is mildly entertaining in a run-of-the-mill kind of TV way. I was disappointed then in the writing in a recent episode.

A girl was stuck in the desert with a good guy and a bad guy. The bad guy started leering at the girl; backing her into a metaphorical corner. The good guy, already wounded, picked up a big rock and killed him, then sat in shock over the horrible thing he’d just done.

The girl comforted him that he’d done the right thing. “He was going to rape me!” She reminded him. Just like it was a foregone conclusion - as if she had no say in the matter, there was nothing she could have done to defend herself. I was on my feet screaming at the TV.

Was this episode written by a man who was going for the tired old “hero saves the helpless girl” crap? Or worse: Was the episode merely reflecting that perceived societal truth that there is nothing women can do to defend themselves against rape? Given that my whole life is about training women to do just that, my heart broke. I’m sure it seemed like an innocuous moment to many viewers and even those on the show. But that’s just it, this stuff is not innocuous. It’s how that kind of mindset infects both men and women by seeping in under the radar.

This is a good time for me to state that I never blame a rape survivor. Given that no girl wants to be raped, I’m very clear that all of us do what we know to do if faced with such a dire situation. The problem is that too many women don’t know that they do in fact have options - that it’s not a foregone conclusion, that there is something they can do with their own powerful bodies. TV scenarios like this just reinforce that potentially deadly ignorance.

I always worry about how the media may negatively influence my students. I caution them on watching too many popular procedural shows where the girl gets backed into the corner by the bad guy, she screams, flails her hands, cut to: she’s on the slab in the morgue and the clever cops go on to solve the case. Our brains record this information and if, God forbid, we are ever faced with a similar situation – backed into a corner, say, our brains search for what to do. If all we’ve seen are women screaming and flailing, our brains will likely settle on that as the only solution they’re familiar with. We’ll scream, flail…, and you know how the story ends. “Entertainment” scenarios in which women are consistently portrayed as helpless can be harmful to your health.

If you are involved in entertainment, be responsible for showing what real women are like: fierce, feminine, and able to defend themselves. It’s up to you to shift this perception by both men and women. It’s up to you to seed empowerment in the minds of women and girl viewers. Imagine a TV world where it was a given that a girl would simply kick the ass of someone who assaulted her. That’s MY reality. I’d like to see it reflected in my entertainment!

What examples of disempowering TV do you notice in a week’s time? I ask my girls to report on this weekly and sadly they always come in with plenty of examples. I’d love to hear what you notice. Here's hoping that Justified ups its game and shows women as the powerful creatures they are.

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The Bunny Trap

Yesterday I was in my favorite nail salon when a lovely woman in her sixties asked me why I didn’t have my fingernails done. Relishing the chance to talk about the full-force self-defense fighting I teach for a living (teaching eye-strike to forty-five girls a day does not bode well for manicures!) I told her about IMPACT and my students. Without missing a beat the woman said “I’m so glad you teach that. I was raped.”

She went on to tell me about her youth as a Playboy Bunny back in the ring-a-ding Rat Pack days and the famous musician who asked her out. Indifferent, she went on a date with him and her gut instinct was confirmed: the guy was snoozeville. When he told her he needed to stop by his place for a jacket she was leary. She prudently stayed by the door until he casually asked for her opinion of his redecorated bedroom. When she hesitantly peered through the doorway he tackled her into the bedroom and raped her. When she finally got away and into a cab outside, she was crying and covered with bruises. The cabby wanted to know who he needed to beat up for her but she restrained him and begged him just to drive away. He looked at the apartment, sighed and said “Oh yeah, I know who lives there.”

The former Bunny said that the next week the musician came into the Bunny Club again and asked her when they were going out again. Astonished, she blurted “Are you nuts? You heard me yelling ‘No, no, please, no.’ Why would I go out with you again? You’re lucky I don’t call the cops.” To which the musician cavalierly replied “You were fine, that’s what all the girls say.” Though the Bunny as smiling as she calmly told her story, I was chilled. This famous man had essentially admitted to being a serial rapist.

He told her he’d just keep showing up until she relented and went out with her again. She asked to see his Bunny Club card and when he smugly handed it over, she broke it so he wouldn’t be allowed back in the club. After he left, several other Bunnies who’d been watching the exchange related their similar experiences with the man. Yup, serial rapist.

And besides the outrage I feel when I hear about any rape, this story carried with it a sense of disbelief. Don’t hot musicians have women throwing themselves at them? Of all men a guy like that feels he has to resort to rape for sex? It just underscores the fact that rape is not about sex, it’s about power.

For years this beautiful, sparkling woman carried a sense of disempowerment over letting him get away with her assault and rape and a sense of and guilt about never reporting him and not knowing how many other girls he went on to inflict himself on. So a few years back when he was in the news again for assaulting a girlfriend, she called the prosecuting attorney and told her story at long last to someone who could do something positive with it.

I gave her my card and told her I would love to have her in a class. I hope she calls me. I’m so proud of her for finally coming forward. I am so honored she chose to tell me her story – a complete stranger who happens to teach girls they are worth defending. I am so sorry she had to carry that with her all these years. I am so angry that this man and I’m sure many like him got away with it and get away with it every day.

What a difference it would make if all of Hugh Hefner’s Bunnies took our Basics course and could defend themselves from those men who assume that just because they’re Playmates, they’re easy or theirs for the taking. How about it Hef? Anybody got a line to him? Let’s empower your Bunnies and all women who work in sexualized media.

Labels: ,